interview with my best friend - as we look back on this past decade of friendship
A while back, I did an interview with my husband Jordan, talking about what it means to be a parent, and how our lives have changed since having Ava.
I thought it would be fun to take a spin on that -- and do an interview with another one of the most important people in my life, as we look back on over a decade of friendship. My best friend Tori and I lived through our 20's together, so now, as we both turn 30 this year, we're reflecting on what we learned and the fun we had, during those precious 10 years.
Meet Tori. A slightly more serious, yet funnier version of me (and I'm pretty hilarious). Needless to say, our time spent together is filled with meaningless jokes and belly-laughs. We went to high school AND college together - and have been attached at the hip ever since I convinced her to pass notes with me in 10th grade Spanish class. Tori fits more comfortably in the category of 'sister' than 'friend'. Neither of us ever had a sister, so it has always felt like that space was reserved for each other.
So without further ado... the interview!
OH and I'm linking sources at the bottom of this post, and if you want to learn more about the San Diego photographer who captured these images, you can visit her website here: www.veronikagrechman.com (she's pretty darn amazing!).
What's the key to staying friends through all the years?
We’ve changed so much between age 15 and 30 yet are still just as close. We’ve seen the best and worst versions of each other. So I think the only way that’s possible is to genuinely like and appreciate who the other person is. Also we think we are funny. Like really really funny.
We've always made time for each other, but have also been understanding during months when that time isn't readily available. We've been supportive of each other's decisions, while still speaking up and playing devils advocate when needed. And lastly, we have always been each other's biggest cheerleaders (Tori comments on almost every blog post I publish and I love her for that!).
Who would win in a bar fight?
Me. 100%. But Lauren would talk smack to start us off and then probably throw in a good kick or two for good measure.
Tori. Hands down. Girl is scrappy.
Worst part about being in your 20's?
It’s a little spastic, to say the least. Figuring out how to be an adult, drink enough water, learn how to be professional, avoid dating the wrong people, but still keep it together enough to be there for your friends and family. I’m picturing the Friends episode where Phoebe runs like a maniac. Accurate.
Most of this refers to those early 20's, but I would sum it up with: Uncertainty. Ready to be on your own but still having to finish a few more 'steps' before you can get there. Being broke. Cheap wine. Cheap vodka mixed with Red Bull at college parties (I cringe just thinking about this). Precisely splitting checks at dinners with friends. Being body-conscious. Roommates, and worrying about who has to buy the toilet paper.
At the end of the day, you come into your own during this decade of life. And that comes with growing pains and a little bit of awkwardness.
Best part about being in your 20's?
Realizing you have the freedom and control to be exactly who you want to be. Also realizing it’s OK let go of the things and people who don’t make your life better anymore, and then holding on even tighter to what and who matters most. Then there’s watching your best friends become moms and have babies - THE BEST.
Most of this refers to those later 20's, but for me, there were a handful of rare and precious years when Jordan and I were living together (pre-babies). I was out of school, we were financially independent, and we could spontaneously buy concert tickets or plan a weekend trip with very few arrangements or responsibilities. 'I'll buy the next round' and 'no, this one's on me' became apart of the vocab, and the scientific calculator no longer had to get broken out when the check arrived because no one would lose sleep over an extra five bucks.
Also, hosting REAL parties with friends that involved place settings and glassware rather than boxed wine and beer pong. The excitement of what's in the near future.... planning a wedding, starting a family. So many possibilities lie ahead and that exciting 'unknown' has been one of my favorite parts of the last ten years.
What's your bestie's absolute worst 'would you rather' options?
Would you rather never decorate your house for another holiday again or be forced to wear your high school wardrobe for the rest of your life.
Would you rather wear something extremely inappropriate in a deposition or be forced to walk away from your car without checking to make sure that you locked the doors, numerous times.
Why have you kept each other around for so long?
Lauren is a force of nature. She won’t let her friends go, no matter how often or for how long they disappear into studying or being a lawyer. And thank goodness because...guilty. Also it’s incredibly fun/inspiring/awesome to watch someone who can take something like doing a craft, creating a home, working at a job, raising a baby, or being a wife, and not only make it look easy, but do it damn well. She’s the kind of person you want to be around.
Tori just GETS me. I joke that she laughs harder at my jokes than anyone I know, and that's why I love her so much (which is true), but that's only one small part of our friendship. Tori is truly the most thoughtful and genuinely caring person I know. Not the 'oh she brought Starbucks in the morning' type of caring but the, 'remembers everything that's going on in your life and will check-in on you to make sure that work presentation went well' type of caring. There aren't many people that you meet in life who care about your happiness just as much as they care about their own. But Tori is one of those people. And I'm not letting her go!
What do you most look forward to in this next decade of friendship?
I’ve always known we were a constant that I could rely on. But now the big life moments have happened (weddings, babies, careers, etc.) and we’re still here. Come what may...we’re stuck with each other now!!! Not to mention Lauren will probably decorate my future home, sleep-train my kids, and generally organize my life in this decade and beyond.
Being aunties to each others babies! I can't WAIT for Tori to become a mama. Not only because I selfishly want to be an Auntie to her little babes, but also because I know she'll be SUCH A FANTASTIC MOM (Tori, Mike, please... babies now). Nothing is better than having friends who love your kids like they're their own. I'm lucky to have a handful of these gals in my life, and I'm looking forward to being that friend to Tor and her future kids.
Who will take more of your secrets to their grave? Your husband or your best friend?
Lauren. Hands down.
Tori. Fo sho. Sorry Jordy, you have a lot of sh*t on me. But Tori likely remembers more embarrassing stories about me than I remember myself!
What's your best advice for being a good friend?
These feel like wedding vows, but same same. Be very real. Don’t make comparisons. Feel true joy in each other’s accomplishments. Learn from the one or two big fights, figure out how to communicate, and forget pride enough to be willing to talk it out. Say ‘I’m sorry’ because there’s no reason to keep it going, she will always be there at the end of the day and you just have to get along. Much like husbands, but women live longer, so keep your friends close and your old biddies closer.
Put in effort and know that the effort wont always be equitable (and that's okay). I continued to initiate text conversations, even when Tori was knee deep in legal text books and couldn't respond for days on end. And she came knocking down my door with hugs and kettle chips when I was a brand new, overwhelmed and sleep-deprived mama. That's what true friends do. They don't hold on to ego or pride. They just keep showing up with love, compassion, and snacks.
That about sums it up my friends! I hope you're lucky enough to have a friend like Tori, and if you do, give her a call and tell her you're grateful she's yours.
Dress | Lulus
Picnic Blanket | Wild In Bloom
Woven Basket Backpack | LarLiving on Etsy